Rokna or Thaka: Acceptance of the alliance
'Rokna' is an important part of the Punjabi wedding although the 'shagun'
now could be any amount of money - instead of the customary Rs. 1.25, which was so common in the olden days.
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Sagai: Engagement
Rings are exchanged between the bride and the groom to be, in the presence
of a 'pandit' or 'pujari', close friends and relatives. The wedding day would normally be fixed after the 'sagai'.
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Chunni Chadana: Dressing up and blessing of the bride
Close female relatives form the groom's home go the bride's home with what is known as the 'suhag ki pitari' (a decorated basket containing
gifts from the groom's mother for the bride). These gifts usually consist of mehendi (henna), clothes, jewellery, fruits, dry fruits, dried coconut,
'chuaare' or dried dates, bangles, 'sindoor' (vermilion powder) and a red 'dupatta' or veil.
During this ceremony the ladies sing wedding songs to the beat of a 'dholak' or small drum and decorate the bride-to-be by dressing her
up and draping the red 'dupatta' on her.
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Mehendi: Beautification of the bride
The 'Mehendi' celebration is a lighthearted affair with no religious connotation. It is usually held at the bride's home and is a daytime function. Professional
'mehendi' artists or 'mehendiwallis' make intricate patterns on the hands and feet of the bride and her other female friends with the henna paste.
Another modern day custom practiced at 'mehendi' functions is to have a bangle seller or 'chudiwalla' adorn the hands of all the ladies present
with colourful 'chudis' or bangles.
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Kangna Bandhana: Tying of the symbolic bracelets on the couple's wrists
On the morning of the wedding day, the bride and the groom (each in their respective homes), has to have the sacred thread or 'mouli' tied to their
right wrists. The 'mouli' has an iron 'challa' (bracelet) tied to it along with turmeric sticks, 'supari' (betel nut) and 'kaudis' (shells). The
thread has to have as many knots as possible in order to make it difficult to untie later!
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Chuda Chadana: Adorning the bride with the ivory bangle presented to her by her maternal uncle
Only the bride's family celebrates this ritual. The bride's maternal uncle or 'mama', gifts her a red ivory bangle or 'chuda', which the maternal
aunt or 'mami' will adorn her wrists with. These days ivory has been replaced with acrylic or plastic. Four unmarried girls of marriageable age surround
the bride and drape a red 'dupatta' on her while the 'mami' puts on the 'chuda' for her. The girls also adorn the bride's hands with 'kaleeras'.
'Kaleeras' are traditionally supposed to be made from pure silver but these days' people usually prefer to use the ones made from foil because
'kaleeras' are never used after a marriage.
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Uptan: The haldi ceremony
One day before the actual wedding, the bride and groom (in their respective homes) are cleansed with turmeric paste. This daytime ceremony prepares
both of them for the nuptials. 'Uptan' is a paste made from sandalwood, turmeric and rose water and is applied by seven married female members
of the families, to the faces, hands and feet of the bride and groom.
After this ceremony the bride and the groom are barred from stepping outdoors until after the wedding ceremony. During the entire seven days
of 'sangeet', which follows, they must remain indoors and are not allowed to meet each other.
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Sangeet: Musical get together by the ladies of the families
'Sangeet' is usually held after the 'mehendi' ceremony and is more of a ladies function, when all the ladies and unmarried girls from
both sides congregate to have fun and frolic by dancing and singing traditional wedding songs.
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Ghodi Sajana: Decorating the mare
In most Punjabi weddings, the groom travels to the bride's home mounted on a mare. The mare or 'ghodi' is traditionally decorated for this wedding
procession. The mare's hair is plaited with sacred thread or 'mouli' and the groom's sisters feed her with Bengal gram, which has been soaked in
water the night before.
The groom's sisters are given a 'shagun' in the form of money for their efforts! The groom's sister-in-law applies 'kajal' or kohl in the groom's
eyes, before he departs for the bride's home.
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Sehra Bandhi: Tying the traditional headdress on the groom
Just before the groom can mount the mare - married ladies from his family tie the 'pagadi' or turban, the 'sehra' or floral veil, which covers the
groom's face, put 'shagun' in his 'jholi' or lap and bless the groom. The 'shagun' usually consists of a red 'dupatta', dried coconut and dried
dates or 'chuaare'. Then the groom's nephew or 'sarbala' as he is referred to, mounts the mare along with the groom and the two are ready to leave
for the wedding procession.
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Agwaani: Receiving the groom's procession or 'baraat'
The bride's family receives the 'baraat' at the entrance of the bride's home.
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Milni: Welcoming the groom's 'baraat'
This is probably the first time that all the relatives from both families are seeing each other and the 'milni' is to help them get acquainted.
It is very typical for each relative to embrace his counterpart - grooms and bride's fathers, maternal uncles (mamas) and paternal uncles (chachas),
in the other family at least 3 times each. Throughout the 'milni' the groom and the 'sarbala' remain mounted on the mare. Once all the relatives
have greeted each other, the bride's brother and / or another male relative help the groom off the mare.
The groom is then escorted to the threshold of the house and the bride's mother performs the 'aarti' (traditional Indian welcome ritual with a
lamp or 'diya' placed on a platter or 'thali') to welcome her son-in-law.
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Jaimala: Exchange of garlands
After the bride's mother has performed the 'aarti' for her son-in-law, the bride is escorted to the threshold to welcome her beau in the traditional
manner by garlanding him. The groom in turn garlands his bride. This exchange of garlands is known as the 'jaimala'.
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Shaadi: The vidhi or rites of Arya Samaj wedding rituals
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Madhuperk:
Once the bride and groom have entered the 'mandap' the Vedic rites begin, the first one being the 'madhuperk'. The bride gives the
groom water three times. The first time he sprinkles it in his feet, the second time he sprinkles it all over his body and the third time
he drinks the water. 'Madhuperk' is a mixture of curds, 'ghee' or clarified butter and honey. The groom sprinkles a little bit of this in all directions
and then eats it three times.
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Kanyadaan: Giving away the bride
The bride's parents offer their daughter's hand in marriage to the groom and he accepts it.
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Havan: Lighting the sacred fire
To invoke the blessings of 'Agni' or the God of Fire, the 'pujari' lights a sacred fire or 'havan' to the chanting of Vedic mantras. There
are two types of 'havans' - the 'sadharan' (ordinary) or 'vishesh' (special). The 'vishesh' havan is the chanting of mantras and praying to all the
'Divyashaktis' or forms of God. The main 'prarthana' or prayer during the lighting of the 'havan' is the 'prarthana' of 'grahast jivan' (married life).
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Pani Grahan Sanskar: The groom vows to look after his wife
The groom stands up and takes his bride's hand in his and chants mantras, promising to look after her till her old age and keep her happy at all
times. He accepts her as his 'poshya' (meaning that he will provide for all her needs). The bride and groom now take one 'parikrama' (circumvention) around the fire.
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Shilarohan: Using the rock as a symbol of permanence
The bridegroom chants a 'mantra' and the bride's mother places her daughter's right foot on a stone. The rock is a symbol of stability, permanence and
firmness. The bride's position in the groom's home is now permanent and together, the couple will face all of life's challenges like two solid rocks.
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Lajahom: Sacrifice offered to the sacred fire
'Laja' is puffed rice, a symbol of prosperity. The bride's brother stands behind the couple while the couple faces each other. The bride places
both her hands into the groom's and her brother then puts the puffed rice into them. Together they offer this 'laja' as an 'ahuti' or sacrifice
into the fire amidst the chanting of mantras.
This ritual is performed three times and each time the mantras chanted have a different meaning.
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Parikrama: Circumventions around the sacred fire
The couple goes around the sacred fire four times, each 'parikrama' (circumvention) strengthening the bond between them. The first three
times the bride must lead the groom, as she is the embodiment of Goddess Lakshmi. It is only after the fourth 'parikrama' that she becomes the
'ardhangani' (wife) and is now her husband's responsibility. After the completion of the 'parikramas' the 'pujari' ties the bride's sari 'pallav'
to the groom's 'angavastra' (a scarf tied around the shoulders), with three knots.
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Saptapadi: Seven steps around the sacred fire
These are seven steps taken by the bride and groom together, each step has significance.
After the 'saptapadi' the couple takes one 'parikrama' around the fire together with neither of them leading.
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Sprinkling water on the couple: Invoking blessings from deities
Older members of the groom's family sprinkle water on the couple while four 'mantras' are chanted by the 'pujari'. These prayers are recited
to invoke the blessings of all the deities in the couple.
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Hriday Sparshmantra: Vows taken
The bride and groom place one hand on each other's hearts and chant 'mantras' together. The meaning of these 'mantras' is - ' I am installing you in
my heart from this day onwards; I will be loyal to you; this alliance is made in Heaven; let us ask the Almighty for His blessings'.
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Sindoor: The groom applies vermilion on the bride
'Sindoor' or vermilion powder is the sign of a married Hindu lady. The groom applies 'sindoor' in the center parting of the bride's hair and
also ties the 'mangalsutra' around her neck.
The bride and groom feed each other sweets and the 'mantras' chanted at this time hold good for both and are not one sided. It is not only the
wife's duty to ensure that her husband is fed; he in turn also has to see that she has been looked after.
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Dhruvnakshatra: Viewing the Pole Star
The couple is now instructed to look towards the Pole Star ('Dhruvnakshatra') amidst the chanting of 'mantras'. The Pole Star is always firm in its
place and the vow means that 'I will live permanently with you'.
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Arundhati Nakshatra: Invoking blessings from Arundhati and Vashisht
'Arundhati' was the wife of the sage 'Vashisht'. The 'Arundhati' and 'Vashist Nakshatras' are two stars joined together and appear as one at all times.
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Ashirwaad: The blessing
Now that the marriage rites have been completed, the newly weds are blessed by all the elders. Everyone present showers coloured rice or
'akshat' on the couple.
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Bidaai: Bridal send off
Before the bride leaves for her marital home, she either lights a 'mitti ka diya' (earthen lamp) in her parents home or turns on all the lights.
What follows is the most touching and sensitive ritual of Hindu weddings, the 'lajahom'. 'Laja' or 'phulian' is puffed rice (a sign of prosperity),
which the bride has to take in both her hands and shower on all her family over the top of her head. She does this all the way to the palanquin
or decorated car, which is waiting to take her to her new home. By doing this she is repaying all her debts to her parents for having looked
after her all these years.
On reaching her marital home, she is welcomed at the entrance, by her mother-in-law, who performs the traditional 'aarti' for her. After this,
the newly wed sprinkles a little coconut oil near the door.
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Kangana Kholna: Untying the bracelets
The bride and groom untie each other's bracelets in the presence of all the relatives. There is a lot of teasing and fun and frolic at this time.
The bride is required to untie her husband's bracelet first.
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Mooh Dikhai ki Rasm: Introducing the bride to her husband's family
Literally translated this means the 'showing of the bride' to the groom's family members, but in reality it is actually a form of introduction.
The mother-in-law showers her 'bahu' (daughter-in-law) with jewellery, clothes and money at this time. The other close relatives of the family
also offer her gifts and money.
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Reception: Post wedding celebrations
A wedding reception is a concept borrowed from the West and is now an integral part of many Indian weddings. The parents of the bride and groom
host a lavish dinner and invite as many friends and relatives to introduce the newly weds to the rest of the community. The reception is generally
hosted in a hotel or banquet hall.
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